why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
