Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
