My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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