ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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