maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
