Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
