I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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