He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
