the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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