We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
tell me about the eggs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
