if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
