I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Randomize
