seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i think i just lost a toe
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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