you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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