I got chris browned last night
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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