she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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