I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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