i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
