yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
