It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You dont lie about slip and slides
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
