WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
