In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
