After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
