People in love make me want to vomit
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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