pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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