those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
