the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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