You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know her cup size but not her name....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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