in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She needs sedatives and a leash
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize