sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
