So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
