i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
