i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
