I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
