I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
