I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize