Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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