Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
