I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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