Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
