I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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