the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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