my mouth tastes like poor choices
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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