Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
