why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
