We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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