I just saw a hot homeless man
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
