Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You are the jesus of drinking
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
