I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
