May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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