lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
