Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
cat food counts as protein by the way
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize