I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
