Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
