my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
