my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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