you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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