i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
