Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
