i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
