I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
