i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Someone signed my nipple.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
