i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
