you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
