I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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