i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
