I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
